I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
