oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize