Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
