i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
