I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
