ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
two words: eviction party
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
