im holly from the hills drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
