Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
