My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
