my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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