Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize