I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
