Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
