Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
