At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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