it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
