i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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