Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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