Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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