allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
