it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
