I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
