I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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