You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
