Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
