you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
