Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can I color on your dick again?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
