we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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