now i know why i became what i already was.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I touched a dick in church today
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
