My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize