So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
