Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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