2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
