No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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