She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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