Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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