I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
