Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
