So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
