what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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