You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
