apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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