Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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