dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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