Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
