apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
