I think I am morally bankrupt
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
