we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
