Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
