Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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