I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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