I heard we made out
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
