so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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