the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
