you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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