I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
