her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
