Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
