last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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