if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
nutella sex= disaster
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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