Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
