i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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