I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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