I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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