the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
