Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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