didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
