He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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