my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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