bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
