drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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