i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
