my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
