i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
