I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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