I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
