I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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