i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
