she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
