I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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