Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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