He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
