who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
