Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize