Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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