Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Let's get the cat blown out
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
