May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
