Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
