Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
