It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
