i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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