Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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