i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
