Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
