She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
