Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
