i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
