So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
