Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
