Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
