he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
