she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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