At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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