So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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