Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
