I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
