I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize