I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize